How is one's life-partner helpful in attaining salvation?

[Shri Bharat asked: Swami! I have heard this verse, “Dharme ca arthe ca, kāme ca mokṣe ca….” This verse is explained to every couple who is getting married and it means that the husband and wife cooperate with each other in matters of righteous activities, in financial matters, in matters of love and in their spiritual effort to attain liberation. I understand how a life partner can help in first three aspects, but not the fourth one. Mokṣha means liberation from all worldly bonds. How can developing a bond with the life partner help us in giving up all worldly bonds (mokṣa)? This seems contradictory. Kindly explain this to me, Swami. Padābhivandanam Shri Datta Swami! Your devotee, Bharath Krishna.]

Swami replied: Performing religious rituals is called dharma. Earning for the welfare of the family is called artha. Pacifying the biological need for sex is called kāma. Mokṣa means liberation or salvation and it refers to the path of spiritual knowledge and devotion to God, which leads to the liberation from worldly miseries and tensions. For a man, his wife is not a hindrance in attaining mokṣa or liberation. She is also a soul present in a human body, just like him. Saint Sureśvara kept his wife with him, even after accepting sainthood (saṃnyāsa) and his Guru, Śaṅkara, encouraged it. A saint stays with his Guru. The Guru is also a soul embedded in a human body, just like the wife. I do not understand that why the wife is considered to be a hindrance. She can help the man by preparing food for him and serving him in other ways to maintain good health. After retirement from one’s job, one should take up vānaprastha āśrama to learn spiritual knowledge. After vānaprastha, one should take up saṃnyāsa, as per the tradition of krama mukti, which is the gradual progress towards salvation, which is recommended for all souls. In old age, the desire for sex (kāma) also vanishes. The wife helps the saint by serving him in several ways, especially by preparing hygienic food, which is very very essential in old age to maintain good health. If the saint’s health is spoiled, he cannot even perform his duty of propagating spiritual knowledge in the world.

So, it is the biggest foolishness to think that marriage is a hindrance to the spiritual path. Śaṅkara was an Incarnation of God Śiva and He wanted to finish His spiritual work at a very early age. Hence, did not marry. But God Śiva, who is the source of Śankara, married twice! Even Hanumān got married because His departed ancestors appeared before Him and told Him that unless He got married, it was not possible to attain salvation. In vānaprastha itself, the wife is looked upon as one’s own sister. In saṃnyāsa, one’s wife is certainly looked upon as a fellow-devotee also trying to attain salvation. The saint lives along with other fellow-devotees too. Tulasidās told Meera that females were forbidden from staying in his āśrama. Then, Meera told him that God alone is male (Puruṣa) and that all the souls, irrespective of whether they are embedded in male or female bodies, are actually only females (prakṛti). Tulasidās realized the truth and fell at her feet for his erroneous thought!

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| Shri Datta Swami | How is one's life-partner helpful in attaining salvation? | Dharmecha Arthecha Kamecha Mokshecha Moksha Kaama Samnyaasa Shankara Vaanaprastha Aashrama Hanuman Hanumaan Tulasidas prakruti purusha Shiva