How to Control Ego-based Jealousy and Stop Criticism of Others?

[Shri Kishore Ram asked:- Swami, suppose a devotee is suffering from ego-based jealousy and tends to criticize the co-devotees and spread negativity before other devotees confidentially, what is the solution for this?]

Swami replied:- It is extremely important to control ego-based jealousy. If a devotee doesn’t control this ego-based jealousy on co-devotees, he/she will soon show the same ego-based jealousy on the contemporary incarnation of God also. Although the devotee had done a good amount of service to God for years and pleased Him well, the devotee will lose all His grace and suffer with punishments if he/she doesn’t control this defect. But, I truly appreciate it if a devotee honestly accepts one’s own defect. Although everyone suffers with ego-based jealousy, they don’t accept it and on top of it, they defend their actions with some other reasons. When the devotee has recognised this defect, the defect is 50% solved. The remaining 50% is to practice the right path.

If a devotee spreads negative criticism about others, it will cause splits among the devotees and the unity is broken in the service of God. This causes severe displeasure for God and in return, gives serious punishments to the devotee. If you find any merit in your co-devotee, then you spread it. If you find a demerit in your co-devotee, then do not spread it to others. Following this path is beneficial for the devotee only because that devotee will make everyone happy and become a friend to everyone (Vishvaamitra). If someone gives feedback for improvement in your work, take it with an open mind. If the feedback has no merit, explain with logic. If the feedback has merit in it, then implement it because you will only get the entire credit for the perfect work. The person, who gave you the feedback will not get any credit. If a devotee is blinded by ego-based jealousy and stops taking any feedback, that devotee alone will be at loss and his/her work will be less than perfect. Even in the spiritual path, one can please God more if one’s service is extremely perfect.

The devotees, who are not near Me, do not know the exact situations happening here. Without knowing the devotee’s defect of ego-based jealousy, when they blindly believe the false narratives of the situation and develop enmity with other devotees and start fighting, God will definitely punish the devotees, who created that narrative and who spread that narrative. Hence, this ego-based jealousy is causing loss to the devotee only in all angles. A true devotee will always try to bring unity among devotees and a devotee trying to do spiritual politics will create narratives to defame other devotees and cause splits. If any devotee falls into the trap of false narratives created by devotees suffering with ego-based jealousy, even they also will be at loss. Hence, every devotee must be careful about what to believe and what not to believe.

I always want to protect all My devotees from falling into the trap of this ego-based jealousy. Therefore, I am recommending everyone to always be watchful in talking with other devotees. Before talking, one must think “After saying this, will it hurt the other devotee? or will it cause quarrels among co-devotees?”. If the answer is yes, then stop talking about it even though it may be true. If you think “After saying this, it will bring happiness to the devotee and cause unity among all devotees”, then say that with confidence even if it is not true. Even if you praise a defective person as good person, there is no sin at all and it can even bring you merit if that praising brings unity. But, if you scold a meritorious good person and cause quarrels, it will bring double sin to you. Therefore, one must be very careful before speaking anything. In the Ramayana, Sita scolded the meritorious devotee, Lakshmana and she attained practical punishments for such theoretical sin because of the intensive nature of that sin. Every devotee must always remember this because saving oneself from punishments is also a benefit to the devotee.

Q. Swami, if a devotee is not able to control his/her tongue. What to do?

Swami replied:- One must first practice talking precisely. Do not talk unless it is important. When one stops this habit of gossip or chit-chat in one’s worldly life, one can do the same in spiritual life also. One’s attitude in spiritual life is a reflection of one’s attitude in worldly life. That is why Pravrutti (Worldly life) is a practice for Nivrutti (Spiritual life). Some people talk on the phone for hours. When a person talks continuously, after sometime, the mind becomes very loose. Then, the person starts talking without any intelligent filter of what to talk and what not to talk. The stable intelligence is put to rest and the unstable tongue keeps on talking whatever thought comes to mind. The very nature of mind is to be unstable. When you give the control of yourself to your unstable mind, you will inevitably be awarded with punishments through sins. If your tongue cannot stay calm, then keep singing the bhajans (devotional songs of God) or keep chanting the Maha Mantra ‘Shri Anjaneya Shri Subrahmanya’ in a low voice so that you not only save yourself from doing sins, but also attain the grace of God. Singing songs on God is the real essence of ‘Gayatri’, which brings the protection of God.

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